Courageous crustacean crushed

"You suck,"Turcan Celik yells to the crowd.

"NO, YOU SUCK," roar a couple of hundred kids in return, eager to let the muscle-bound Turk decked out in red, spandex underpants know they'll be chanting for his demise when he meets with Boston native Jason Rumble in the ring in a matter of minutes.

Dismissive of their jeers, Celik jumps inside the two by two metre ring set up in the middle of the St. Anthony arena on this chilly Wednesday evening.

A new song thumps through the arena loudspeakers... "It's Jason Rrrrruuuuuuumbooooolllllll" cries the announcer of the Mainstream Wrestling 10th anniversary tour event. Mr. Rumble himself, resplendent in a pair of white pants with purple detaling, bounces out of the dressing rooms and onto the hard concrete of the arena.

There's a cacophony of cheers for the Boston hero; kids go nuts as he runs around the seats, slapping the hands of his young fans.

He enters the ring. The match is on.

Throughout the melle the kids in the crowd are one giant, screaming force willing Rumble to victory.

Pop cans lie forgotten amongst a snow of popcornon the ground. Fans groan when Celik gets a hit in, then scream of encouragement as Rumble climbs up the ropes in the corner.

When he launches himself into the red-panted Turk and bodyslams his opponent to the canvas, the ref counts to three and the crowd know they've backed a winner.

Rumble gets another raucous cheer from the crowd as he leaves the arena, while Celik is treated to the kind of heartfelt boos you can only throw a stranger when you're under the age of ten.

Next up is a Las Vegas native Joshua Burton, who enters the arena wearing pink pants with cowboy-like fringing running down the front. Even in the world of pro wrestling that's got to be a fashion crime.

Whether it's the pink pants or the fact he sneers, the kids clearly don't like this brute of a man and so, when the announcer tells says next out is "Nova Scotia or maybe somewhere in Newfoundland" native, it's easy to pick who'll get the home crowd support.

Crabman.

Not only does Crabman run around, high-five everyone and make a bizarre noise somewhere between a 'ner' and 'blah', he's got huge googly eyes coming out of his mask. And red tights. And a white, vinyl crab plate on his front and back.

In short, Crabman in awesome.

But wait - can't the referee see what's going on here? The pink-panted Las Vegas villan has a black cord that he's using to try and strangle Crabman. "LOOK BEHIND YOU," kids implore the referee.

Oh man, the ref must be blind to allow this travesty upon the hallowed ring of wrestling.

The crowd know what Burton is up to, but to their consternation that doesn't stop the cheat from emerging victorious.

As Crabman topples out of the ring his loss to Burton is almost as gut-wrenchingly disappointing as not winning a wrestling figurine from the merchandise desk by failing to pick a lollipop with a red-tipped stick. Sigh.

Ever-courageous, the crustacean manages a few more of his signature noises and a couple of poses for the crowd, before limping out of the arena.

Kudos, Crabman. Kudos. The hearts and minds of St. Anthony will go with you into this dark night.

egraney@northernpen.ca